Today is March 4th, a sort of silly "holiday" that doesn't even always cross my radar screen. But this morning when "March Forth!" showed on the calendar, it made me start to wonder where my current march is headed.
When transitions, decisions and change are a part of our lives (and really, when are they not?), we can wonder or we can wonder! what the future will bring. The space between plain wonder, disguised as doubt, uncertainty and anxiety and the type of wonder bearing an exclamation point is where I often reside.
Wonder! has a beautiful connotation. It conjures up images of star-gazing, beauty and awe. Wonder! is at the root of wonderful, a squarely positive word in our lexicon, evoking joy and peace.
But just plain wondering, which is often disguised worrying, can become my default position if I am not mindful and prayerful about trying to move toward a more wonder!-full thought life.
Don't we all face uncertainty in the same way? Even changes we've prayed over for years, like a wonder!-full newborn baby or a new job also bring us wonder ("will I know how to love and nuture this new life?," "am I up to this challenge?").
My current state of mind is fluxing between wonder and wonder!, as I try my best to look toward the road before me with a state of wonder! of what will head my way, but also wondering if I am even on the right path.
I've made the choice to fix my mind on wonder! and continue on my syncopated journey of parenting, homesteading, writing and involving myself in our community.
It sometimes feels awkward, as if I can't find a steady rhythm of life. But until I am lead to pursue a new tangent, I'm choosing to enjoy the sometimes surprises, dare I say, wonder! that syncopation brings to my daily life.
(Edited to add: I began writing this yesterday...and then today at church our pastor spoke about the difference between worry and prayer. That both worry and prayer are the same essentially: us packing up things that are on our mind, our hang-ups, etc. The difference is that with worry, we are carrying our cumbersome issues on our own, and with prayer, we lift them upwards and lighten our load. Very well said, and probably the difference between wonder and wonder! too.)